Been trying to come to terms to causes of depression that might have led JJ Babirukamu to commit suicide last Friday. I checked his Facebook wall and he had written an article almost 13 months ago on 2nd May 2023 about the pressure from society to have children and he asked, ‘Is having children the only measure of success?!’ In the same article he mentioned about having no biological clock being a man and stated many great men we still read about but were childless like Adolf Hitler (ono yatuyamba natazala….earth didn’t need his descendants😁)
It might have been worrying his family and friends on his behalf since the 40s were nearing, that must have been one of the reasons the fact that he even wrote and published for global viewing. He ended his life on Friday before his 40th birthday still without a child or girlfriend nor a wife but with a progressive career and loved his nieces and nephews! I’ve been prompted to write something for I have lots of friends in this age bracket so as to save someone who might have similar thoughts.
After the age of 25yrs in Africa uganda in particular having no signs of marriage or getting married and children begins to worry and it becomes a sensitive scenario, as we get to 30s it becomes a clan concern and late 30s more scary, the pressure is high and judgement crops it but we never identify causes of all this as to why certain people are still single and childless especially introverts who rarely speak out nor live their lives publicly.
There has been a big battle to date like early use of family planning, death of a pattern, barrenness, divorce, unmarried parents, absent parents especially fathers it’s in rare and few cases that mothers walk away from their children, drugs and alcohol usage, spiritual wars, GMOs, LGBTQ++ , high expectations for marriage partner qualities, career growth taking long, long studying, tribal issues, religion….have caused these issues.
Once identified will help the generations to come.
Marriage is natural and every one needs it however some people have faced different challenges which have made them single parents.
Nevertheless, let’s come close to the creator, the Lord I AM and we live according to his will not ours
I think also let’s normalize minding our businesses sometimes. People are struggling and fighting battles they might not disclose then booooooommmmm ;
-you’re turning 40 tonawasa, tonazaala(some have had bad miscarriages, have been sexually abused as kids…), people are dealing with infertility, people wanting commitment are rare to come by unlike it was in other generations. The currently ‘married’ are not exemplary.
-If you failed in marriage, there’s that section of relatives that want you back and blaming it on you. From my experience most people see marriage as another measure of success and staying married at all cost. Even if you accomplish more, invest more, have a fair life, rise in career, the fact that you’re not married or failed in marriage you mean nothing in society.
There’s a lot of stigma around failed marriages little do ‘judges’ know what transpired! Some were safer out. However marriage is honourable and beautiful naye obufumbo sibwakugumila bwakunyumilwa. It’s a blessing to have children early in the early 20s but sometimes the conditions are beyond some of people. Let’s be accommodative and prayerful. Let’s pray for our children.
-Why are you still renting, no car?
-Weight(excessive gain and loss of it)is another one! That silly annoying greeting of ‘eeehhh nga ogezze nyoo, banange kiki ekikuluma nga okozze!’ with a pathetic facial expression. Can you people stop it already! There are many reasons why people gain and loose weight and stress and depression is one, ARVs, fertility treatment, family planning,not necessarily over eating or chronic illness.
People are struggling to reduce but because we won’t show you our progress and results have delayed you feel entitled to make such phrases of how God’s image has expanded! One’s being fit and in shape shouldn’t make you feel hollier before God we all His beloved children irrespective of titles we hold here on earth.
Very unconscious statements we are guilty of having said to one another at one time.
People you might assume have everything figured out, the strong ones lifting others, cheering others, progressing in careers might be battling terrible staff inside their minds.
Be KIND, judge less, then let’s learn to speak up, share burdens.
Let’s remind one another that we are all blessed but differently. They aren’t failing at all aspects of life. There’s somewhere they are winning too. Let’s see some good in one another. Let’s not focus on what hasn’t gone well with others and our children. Let’s pray for one another
Depression is real !!!!
Author:: Bagombeka Job
